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Friday, August 21, 2009

Vikram's Mallanna Reviewed...A Must Watch...Lolz

Wow...Mallanna a must watch...A gigantic movie with a phenomenal script...its a path breaker for sure...we ought to respect the ideology behind Kolly movies...for more reasons now I admire Tamil industry much more...and for the record Srinu (Vaitla) ...must learn from Susi (Ganesan) on how to portray Brahmi's character much better...its the funniest ever since the good old days in the 90's...genuinely mesmerized!!!

This is my facebook status message for the day...now until people watch the movie and get back to me with their comments, please be in this illusion of Mallanna being the biggest movie ever. Because once I post you those, you will hate Tamil Industry for the rest of your life.

Its shambolic movie making...the script was terrible and the way it was handled was even worse...I am amazed at how Brahmanandam was cursed throughout the movie by the audience, every time he appears on the screen people wanted him to get off it...this never happened in nearly a decade now, at least I have not seen it happen. Never imagined that a movie could be made this worse, from the start to the end it was a pain in the rear end. And thanks to our movie exhibitors other factors contributed to our demise on hope for a smooth watch.

Its 2:30 AM here in New Jersey, a place where most of all south movies premier, and a place which excites movie watchers like me and my friends. But for once I am perplexed in the way this movie dragged us to the theatre only to be ridiculed by the makers. I am not sure why I am writing this so late in the night, and for once, after all these days of absence I had to make a come back with such a topic. Movie making and being critical about movies is not my cup of tea, but boy this piece deserves every bit of time I spend. I agree movie making is not an easy job, but this one today is a disaster in every count. Vikram, Shreya, the character artists, the screenplay, editing, music, background score, dance, and what not; think about all the elements that make a movie, and all those to be 'the worst done jobs ever'. And on the top is our dear director, Susi Ganesan who thinks his audience to be puppets in the world of movie goers, he from the rest above is the worst element, and surprise, he also makes a guest appearance in the movie.

Am I over reacting, why did I even think of writing this now?, I donno, maybe my expectations were caught napping, maybe I am in a trance , maybe I am a Kolly hater, maybe this shit fuck movie made me go mad, or just maybe
I am in the mood to write. When movies that are meant to strike a chord with its audience fail, it hurts, so maybe I am just hurt.

I do not want to make this long, so for all of you out there, who want to go watch an epic movie, which will eventually be bench lined along with "RGV ki Aag" for the worst movies made in Indian cinema, this is the one. And if you do go and watch this, please be sure to drop in a line with the exhibitor or the distributor to contribute a little of their cheap owned money to this blog, after all you are all my readers and if for any reason you want to thrash anybody after the movie, it would be ME. So yeah, GO WATCH IT for a chance to Slap ME!!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Bring on the Botox... India at 62

This appeared in the Sunday times today...

How good are we looking at 62…??

If one buys the theory “62 is the new 42” ( I do! I do!), then India is definitely looking “hot’’ for her age. Of course, there are countless giveaways like crow’s feet , an untoned butt and cellulite all over,but compared to others dealing with age issues of a different kind, even our worst critic would give the country a glowing certificate. As our two beauty pageant contestants, Pooja and Ekta, vie for the international crowns , the words of a former winner, Priyanka Chopra, make sentimental sense. Advised Piggy Chops sagely, “We are blessed to be born Indian…believe you are the chosen one.” Some of our parliamentarians could benefit equally from similar advice. Though, most believe they are indeed the Chosen Ones – which they are! We chose them!!

It is fascinating to track the sea change that takes place in the lives of beauty pageant contestants. The grueling grooming sessions they endure often transform gawky, gauche youngsters into soignée swans. By the time they are done with the multiple make- overs ( hair, skin, teeth, weight and personality development), they are different creatures altogether – sleek, poised and ready to take on the world. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could do the same with India and its politicians?? Treat the country as a contestant and go for the crown?? It’s not that hard to achieve if we get enough experts on board. What we are suffering from at present is a serious image problem – we are looking kinda dumb in the eyes of the world. Particularly, S.M.Krishna and his team of naïve advisors.But theek hai… an efficient Mr. Fix-it ( but who?? How soon?) can be quickly inducted to sort out that mess.. Now , with the appointment of the erudite Dr. Shivshanker as our ambassador to Beijing, perhaps the border talks with China will proceed more constructively, minus bogus p.r. pronouncements that fool nobody. Till then , it is important to look good!

Unlike popular perception, it takes one hell of a lot to become an international beauty pageant winner – discipline, for one.Attitude, for another. I’ve watched those girls slog with single-minded determination. They have a single point programme and just one agenda – to win. Imagine an India where even ten members of the cabinet had the same level of commitment .One has to be present during the tough elimination rounds at these beauty contests to know just how exacting the selection process is.At that early stage itself, it’s easy to predict who’ll make the short list. Why not a similar format while allocating key ministries? India has fantastic people at all levels. These fantastic people stay miles away from politics. Why? For the same reason that thousands of seriously good -looking, highly accomplished young women avoid entering pageants – they believe the whole thing is fixed!
International contests have reformatted pageants to remain more in tune with changing times. The winners no longer talk exclusively about becoming Mother Teresa and saving the world. New social realities demand fresher responses, bolder stands. Same story with our ministerlog who need to move beyond boring platitudes from a bygone era and discuss contemporary deliverables.

Every country messes up . India has made it almost mandatory to do so! This is tragic given that at this very second, we are a whole lot better off than most of the world – at least on the economic front. As one never tires of repeating, our fundamentals are strong, our banking systems conservative and our domestic economy robust enough to ride the meltdown. This is much more than can be said about our nearest rivals. Despite these obvious advantages, we choose to focus on the downside. Suggestion number one : let’s roll in the experts. India at 62 needs a face-lift! Bring on the botox. Get those silicon enhancements in place.Liposuction? Why not…. we can do with trimming ministerial flab. Going under the knife? That too – starting with drastically cutting neta privileges, and reducing the size of the bulging cabinet. Laser eye surgery is also recommended for all those short- sighted leaders incapable of seeing beyond their noses. Plus, a strict diet plan for the fat cats in public life who gorge on the nation’s precious resources. Let’s not forget a punishing work out regime for pot- bellied elected representatives abusing the system. How about cosmetic dental treatment to polish up those fake smiles?And rigourous skin care routines for the thick -skinned rhino-politicos who don’t let anything get to them ? Once we get all this in place, we can confidently compete against the best and come back with the dazzling crown. Meanwhile, good luck Pooja Chopra and Ekta Chowdhry – jhanda ooncha rahey hamara.

Friday, August 7, 2009

My writing defines me...

From My Friend and well wisher...Priyanka Kadiyala

Sometimes beautifully, sometimes plain.

About love and pain, about tears and smiles.

An artist’s soul on paper - black or white, beautiful or sad.

I write, and my writing defines me.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Goodbye, My Love...By Shekar Kapur

as she left her womb,
thrust out by a violent birth
i knew that she and I
were destined for the most
intimate of all relationships

time stood still
as I watched her
inexorably sail towards me
so she and I would join
in one final embrace
to complete an event
born in eternity

for since the first explosions
that formed the universe
and the first metals had been created
she and I had been preparing for this one event

how may forms must she have taken
how many hands must have shaped her
and how many eons must have formed her
and how many men must have used her
before she left for this final journey
between me and her

as I looked around and saw
the head of my friend's daughter
explode, the blood sailing outwards
and the drops, finding their own individuality
falling on the table cloth, astonishingly
in the most even geometric pattern

and yet as I looked up
she was still travelling towards me
I said my silent goodbyes
to loved ones that could never be part
of the intimacy with which
the bullet and I would meet
in one final embrace

I looked at the eyes
of the young man
that held the rifle
that had exploded her out
to her final journey

do you know me, young man?
as you avert your eyes
so casually looking for your next target
did you think of me ?
of who I might be
of my loved ones
or yours ?
do you not think
that in the sheer carelessness
of this one event
that you and I now know each other ?
that we will be tethered together
forever too ?

your life as altered
as has mine
as has
all those I love
and who love me

I want you to remember me young man
I would hate to be someone random
that you had no interest in
but the need to squeeze the trigger
occupied as you were
with thoughts of greater glory
of martyrdom
in your own inevitable death

yet you were the mere instrument
one small cog
almost insignificant
in the bullet's journey towards me
as we finally meet
the anticipation of pain
never coming
as the embrace of death
flowed through my body

goodbye my love
if only I had known
this would be the last time
I would see you
I would have touched your cheeks
looked into your eyes
softy caressed your hand
looked back and smiled
and tried to make time stay still
just for a little while

but little did I know
that the bullet and I
were destined to finally meet tonight
after waiting for an eon

August 7, 2009 - Fact (1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9)

At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

This will never happen in your life again ? ? ! ! ! !