Vulnerability is Overwhelming But Necessary

Sometimes, you don't know why you cry. Your life seems but perfect to everyone as well as you. Yet tears wet your pillow. You feel lonely, afraid. You feel pain you can't explain.

Sometimes you are ecstatic. You know all that you want. Life is a heavenly place. But that feeling doesn't last.

Sometimes you feel lost. You run around trying to find your way. Your eyes grow weak in the hunt for the right path. You stay awake in an attempt to map your life.

Sometimes none of this matters. Sometimes the chaos is calming.

Just sometimes you share your misery with somebody else. And it makes sense to them. They don't charge you with over reaction. They don't logic life with you. They are in sync with your emotions.

Sometimes you feel safe.

Sometimes there is an outburst that is nonsensical. Sometimes there is clarity in every sentence. Sometimes you feel miserable. Sometimes you laugh at the self-pity.

Sometimes I write you or he or she. But in reality it is all me. Sometimes I need help to accept this. Sometimes truth is right there but there is reluctance to acknowledge.

Sometimes vulnerability is overwhelming but necessary.

Me. Me. And Me!

For all those who look at me but don't see me, I feel sorry for you. For those who think my capability or the value of my opinions is linked to how much money I earn, I feel sorry for you. Because it is disproportionately high. For those who can't deal with the clarity of my thoughts or the infidelity of my interests, I feel sorry for you. Because, I have the guts to say, I don't know what I ultimately want. And I won't settle. 

For those who only hear my silences, I feel sorry you can't feel the beauty of my thoughts. For those who disregard all that I do, I feel sorry for your myopic vision.

Because yes, though I am luckier than most in countless ways, I am also stronger. I am infinitely more tolerant, forgiving, emotional and giving. I do things for people without bothering about who gets the credit. I am talented, intelligent, punctual and have a will power of steel. So if in my idiosyncrasies, you see none of these, I feel sorry for you.

Courtesy: A fellow blogger email!

Fragiility :: The One Constant Thing In Life

Of all the things that keep changing in our lives, I think the one constant that remains is fragility. Fragility of life, of lifestyle, of jobs, of relationships, of health and of wealth. One of my favorite uncles once said something. He said it as a passing thought, but coming from someone whom I always hung onto for every word of his wisdom, it made a lot of impact on me. This is someone who has seen a lot in life and at 40, he reinvented himself, much like what management books tell us to do but we often ignore in the garb of complacency. He said “There is only one surety in life. And that is that you have no idea what it’s going to throw up on you the next second. Just when you think you have it figured out, it shows you how naive you were to think so”.

Think about it. Simple words. Words, we've heard so many times that they almost seem philosophical now. But words that couldn't have been more true. As one grows up (what everyone always urges one to do, don’t know what the hurry is though), one realizes that life can change in the blink of an eye. So what do you do? Seize control of it…lunge at it, even if it is almost fanatically. Swerve it your way. Whichever way that may be. Want to get back into reading? Pick up that book that’s gathering dust since ages! Feel guilty for not seeing your parents? Plan an impromptu trip. Spending too much time at work? Pick up the phone and randomly call your wife/ husband/ boyfriend/ girlfriend for no specific agenda, but well – just. I’m not talking big life changing leaps here. Small steps, but steps that take you on the path you choose. So that at least for a few moments, you get what you want, do what you want, before life takes you by your ears and changes your lane again!!

Life is a Saving Grace - Treasure It!!!

Last month, I bid adieu to one of the most important and charismatic individual in my life. My Grandmother passed away 18th of September, a day I will never forget for many reasons, one of which was the sheer amount of respect her holy corpse was able to receive. The whole episode was like a beautifully assembled pack of cards pulled down by the weight of time in a matter of seconds. 15 days before this, she was on her way to a pilgrim site, Naimisaranya in Uttar Pradesh; she perhaps already knew this was going to be her last visit to a holy site and then it would be her ultimate call up to the heavens. The reason I say this is because of something that happened on the day of her departure to the site. 

My brought up and the values instilled in me by her and my Mother are culturally and traditionally orthodox, touching the feet for blessings before leaving the house is some sort of a mandate; but I never believed in it. My gut always told me, if I believe in it, I should do it, else there is no point. And hence, I often am forced to do so; but having noticed my reluctance, my Grandmother stopped asking me to do it. But the day before she left to Naimisaranya, I visited her to say bye; and even on that day, before leaving I did not bend down to touch her feet and take blessings; and at that point, at that very moment something happened that will stay with me for the rest of my life. When I said "Bye Ammamma", she looked at me with teary eyes and said, "Come here, touch my feet and take my blessings, who knows if I will come back from this trip or not, I am old and getting ready for the big journey as the days go by". That to me, is the biggest moment of my life; something I will wear up my sleeves every time I bend down to touch the feet of an elderly. But has it changed the way I think about the whole thing? No. 

My Grandmother has seen not one, not two but three of her beloved Men fall to the graves in the last decade. Including her, the four big pillars of the Mahakali family are no more, but they left behind their moral sense of responsibility and a deep well of excellence that could by itself overpower an ocean of wisdom. The virtues that my family and more specifically my Grandparents have instilled in me form the fundamentals of my daily being. But the question today is, how important is my belief in these virtues? Is the belief in a virtue more important than the virtue itself? Introspecting this idea yields me different questions.

Could it be how rational thought destroys our soul? Could it be about the triumph of irrationality and the power that is in that? You know, we spend a lot of time trying to organize the world. We build clocks and calendars and we try to predict the weather. But what part of our life is truly under our control? 

What if we choose to exist purely in a reality of our own making? Does that render us insane? And if it does, isn't that better than a life of despair? But then, what would be the true purpose of the life of our own making? Would we have a desire to excel? Would we be able to justify the true purpose of our being? 

But rationality and irrationality is purely subjective. Also what's better is only a matter of how deeply you apply your thoughts to it. If being happy and content is all that you want in life, then isn't living an insane life in a world of your own, the perfect thing for you. The problem with us is that we don't know what we actually want, and when we do, we hate to accept them and instead conceal them in some virtuous thoughts. What matters is not the virtue but how much you believe in this virtue because at the end of the day the only person you are answerable to is your own self.

So I say, live your life so the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their views, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. Let us all, and I mean this generation of us all, make our ancestors proud again; let's keep our differences aside, let's show them all who live their life in hatred, conflict and cynicism, how family as an entity and society as a change are strengths.

When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself. And then at the end, when your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. I literally mean, Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.

LeBron James - An Expensive Hate Tag

As the ECF drew to a close this morning and the Heat shut the curtains down on the Celtics and possibly on the big-three era, I for one realized how an arrogant, gigantic, and legendary in the making, LeBron James rose against all odds and averaged close to 35 points and 11 rebounds a game in the Conference Finals to almost single handedly take the Heat into their second consecutive championship finals starting on Tuesday. Let's forget the Heat for a moment and just focus on LeBron here. I will be honest. Yes, I wanted the Heat to lose or let me put it right, I wanted LeBron to fall. As soon as the memory of James’ 45-point, 10-rebound, five-assist season-saving performance wriggled into the brightest hours of Friday morning here in Hyderabad, it was no longer about Game 6. That was no longer good enough for me and for most LeBron haters. He had to win Game 7. I was waiting for him to fall today again, but like a true warrior as he stepped up the game when most needed and played another tiring, emotionally nerve racking 48-min game, I told myself, enough, I can't pretend to hate this guy anymore and that too, just for the heck of it and maybe because our dear friend Ramesh is obsessed with him, that ain't no sportsmanship.

So, after the game, sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper I had this unusual sense of disgust within myself. I was forced to take an objective viewpoint and began questioning how one man can attract so much undeserved hatred and criticism. Was it something to do with the strong, palpable hate I have for James or was it something else; I wondered. And I bemoaned, perhaps this is a love that was to spring from my deep hate I have for him. After all, our greatest collective hate should explain our widespread love, and there is no better example than my renewal of love on James today. As a sportsperson myself, if I love Sachin, Nadal, Barcelona, and Messi, there is no way in the world I could pretend to hate this man any longer. I was always awed by his ability but he made me fall in love today, all over again and for only the second time after Ronaldinho seduced me with his quite stunning magical ability on the football field.

  

James is one of the best players in the league and, in my opinion, when it is all said and done, could be one of the greatest players ever to have played the game of basketball. And yet, at this moment, LeBron James is the most hated athlete in American sport if not in World sport (although, I believe Mourinho takes the world plaudits). If we did not love sports, we would not hate LeBron James as much. He has not sinned against society. He has sinned against competition. And this sounds backward, but it's true: If he had sinned against society, we would have an easier time forgiving him, the likes of Mubarak and Kasab having to get away from people ranting by spending time in air-conditioned jails is a sick modern era's example. We all sin against society at some point but in sports, competition is everything.

Let’s pick on what James had to offer and where we, and I for one, went a bit overboard and out of control with critical assessment. I don't mean the hate is unjustified. Or justified, for that matter. But let's pause for a second, put the hate on the stove to keep it warm, and think about this. Why do we even hate him, why?

 

• Because the 2007 Final series was a rout by Spurs on the Cavaliers? I remember rooting for Cavaliers and James playing his fourth year and his first finals played an exceptional season until the final. To be pointing fingers at him for a dismal Finals performance is no way justified. And one has to remember, James was 22 at the time of the series and he was the single reason Cleveland were in the finals. Think about that.
• Because LeBron spent seven years in Cleveland and Cavaliers made many half-hearted efforts to keep LeBron happy? An old, fat Shaquille O’Neal, and a non-motivated Antawn Jamison isn't good enough to keep many superstars with a team. When the best player you play with is Gibson, you know you won't be keeping your superstar for long. So, can we blame him for leaving Cleveland? I guess not.
• "The Decision" as they labeled it and the high profile announcement – LeBron could have chosen a better way to exit Cleveland than with an hour-long special on ESPN. But then, maybe he was compelled by people around him, maybe there was a contractual obligation, I do not know. But one thing I probably could do, Feel for him. Maybe on another day he wouldn’t have done it and maybe he regrets it doing as much as many of us hate him for it. Having said that, I believe, and he would too I guess, "The Decision" was a mistake. But how long are we going to talk about it.
• And the utterly infamous, "Yes. We. Did." campaign. The Miami Heat fans cheering, as other fans were angered, and NBA analysts scratched their heads. It created an unprecedented amount of hype around the newly-formed Miami Heat squad. And it was that hype that led to peak the “hate” when Heat lost the 2011 Finals to a spirited Mavericks. So, would we hate him for that? Maybe. In sport, nothing goes unnoticed
• For all you know, the All-Star game is a joke. So last year when the papers did the rounds that James wasn’t gutsy enough to take the final shot, I laughed. I kept it to myself. But I thought, this is the heights of cynicism that any sportsman can be subjected to. In reality, the game was for ratings and fun, and if somebody takes a dig at you for your performance in such sort of a game, then you know you have already won.

But then I also believe and if James is paying attention, he should realize by now, the other guys do matter. The guys on the bench matter. The yuppies and pappies paying too much money to sit courtside matter. The guys who got cut from the team matter, and the guys who played college ball but couldn't get a sniff of the NBA matter, and the guys who sat on the bench for their high school teams matter. Without them, LeBron James is just a guy doing cool stuff against nobody in an empty gym, for nothing.

 

And maybe that is at the heart of the hate. Maybe that is everything and the only thing -- the one truth we all must believe in if we're going to be modern-day sports fans. LeBron tried to circumvent that truth. He went for a shortcut. It's a sports sin we can't forgive, and won't forgive, unless Thunders whip Miami in the Finals this year, then LeBron James will have served his penance. If we could let go Luis Figo moving to Madrid from Barcelona and Sami Nasri moving to Manchester City from Arsenal, why can't we let go off this.

 

In our minds, LeBron James tried to beat competition. It's the one victory we never want to see. Ring or no ring, in my opinion LeBron James is a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer. He is posting numbers that can be compared to very few players all-time. The man has Goldberg's body with Carter's athleticism. Chances are he will never satisfy his haters or silence his critics because everyone has their opinion. But hate him or love him, you definitely can't say you've ever seen anything like him.

 

Sports-viewing is, at its essence, escapism. LeBron hasn’t yet let us escape. And we hate him for that. When he is on that court there is no better sight in the sporting world. Hail LeBron. 

Lionel Messi - ITV4 Documentary

If you are a football fan... do yourself a favor... watch this video... I may be biased at times... but this one is a special special dedication to the world of football... and what it has given us... the little genius... and the best player of his generation... three time world player of the year - Lionel Messi.

I donno if he the best player ever... he sure has the goals and the applauds and the individual honors... but for me its always Ronaldinho at that level... he was magical... sheer genius... For those who are not aware of my love for Ronnie, here is a piece from my old posts -

http://pk-thethoughtpost.blogspot.in/2011/01/outrageous-footballer-ronnie-for-life.html

But Messi has something that Ronnie did not... the hunger... the desire... and the appetite for more goals and more trophies... just that little discipline.

Here is a documentary on the little genius hailed as the best ever - Messi

Life Goes On...!!!

Time is a fickle friend. It passes by, no matter what you want. You may want to hold on to it, make it slower, but the clock ticks on. You may wonder how this time shall pass, but worry not, it shall.

The terribly unromantic thing about life is that it goes on. It may seem like the world is ending or you may be so happy that you could just die. But you probably won't. It'll pass. Like most else in your life, as my fav dialogue goes... This too shall pass.

The human spirit is resilient. More than we give it credit for. Not the cliche spirit like titled by newspapers- the Mumbai spirit and so on. Nope, the very spirit inside you and me. It faces the most difficult times and then adapts so quickly, it seems like it was all a dream. We underestimate our endurance. For better or for worse, we can take far more than we imagine!

I wondered how this time will pass. But it did. I'll meet you again soon... very soon!

My Love for You will NEVER Die :):)

Sport in all form was my first Love... and I think it's better to make it the only Love... and FC Barcelona is all that I am and I want to be... Love for you will never die... a proud Cule

Forgive... but Forget??

Forgiveness is a tricky game. In each one's life, there comes a time when we ask for or are asked to forgive someone who has hurt us. It hurts most when that person is who we love the most. And sometimes, in the name of this love, we forgive. Or do we? Do we truly forgive and forget? Or does the hurt haunt us from time to time, having made a permanent crack in our armor?

I know someone who once made that in retrospect can be called a mistake. He did not willingly hurt anyone but at that moment, took decisions that hurt the woman he loved. When he realized his mistake, he asked her to forgive him. And she told him, she would if he chose to come back to her. She would forgive and forget. And she is the only person I know who truly forgot. In the many years hence, they have been through thick and thin. But never did she ever in a fit of rage or in a weak vengeful moment, throw it back in her face. They moved on to a healthier relationship, with far more trust and understanding than before.

I don't believe most of us are that magnanimous. I am probably not either. The ghosts of my past come back often to shake me up and remind me that nothing is permanent.

But wouldn't it be so much better for our own selves if we could let go? If I could let go? If we could move on... truly forgive and forget. The shackles that bind us, hold us back from loving with abandon again would break. And we could once more fly away to a place where skies are blue and love truly is forever! Or is there a place like that? I wonder!

Zindagi Ki Pehchaan...!!!

Click on the Image to Enlarge... Thanks!!!

Happiness from another World…!!!

After Saturday’s game, Alex Ferguson laughed. Normally after his team loses a game he is furious and he screams. Not on Saturday. He couldn’t do anything other than laugh. Later he said, “This is the best team I have ever faced”.

This Barcelona team isn’t from this world. They win everything, but that’s not the only thing they do. They do so much more, outside of the pitch. When the players walked out on the Wembley turf, the Barcelona fans held a mosaic that read “WE LOVE FOOTBALL” and that’s what Barça do, they love football and they make everyone love their football.

If you’re a football lover, right now it’s impossible not to love the way Barça play, even non-football fans are stunned. I read a British sport journalist say that Manchester United was the best football team in the world. Fútbol Club Barcelona, he said, was from another world, another sport.

The word is Happiness

He is the best player in the world; he has won everything at both a club and individual level. He has scored over 50 goals; he has scored in a Champions League final before. He has scored before in the most important games. But never have I seen Lionel Messi as happy as he was after his goal against Manchester United yesterday. He couldn’t control himself, he didn’t know what to do, he was too happy, he kicked the mike next to the pitch, he screamed, he was in another world. It was happiness.

Happiness; that is the word I think is most correct to use when describing what Barça have done the last three years. They have created happiness.

Just as they have played football from another world with a player from another world, they have created happiness from another world. Camp Nou, the home of team Barcelona, is famous for being quiet. It isn’t anymore. When team Barcelona play like they do the fans can’t stay quiet; Camp Nou is everything but quiet these days. The city of Barcelona is everything but quiet. Catalonia is a “country” with big economical and political problems at the moment, but Barcelona has made people forget about it and has given them happiness. On Saturday people from all over the world cried, they cried because they had just witnessed one of the best football teams in history play football from another world. They cried out of happiness. I was one of them, I screamed at the time of the goals, I jumped around, I celebrated like Leo but at the end, I just sat there with tears in my eyes. It all felt like a dream.

Tears in the eyes, an open mouth, but no words; that is how many of us culés have been during the last three years. But we are not alone; our players have been the exact same way. What has happened is unbelievable, it’s a huge, wonderful dream. When Barça won the sixth title in 2009, Josep Guardiola started to cry on the pitch, he didn’t want to but he couldn’t help it. After the Manita this season at Camp Nou against Real Madrid, Carles Puyol and Xavi Hérnandez both started to cry in the dressing room. I’m sure that on Saturday millions of people all over the world were crying out of happiness, and I’m sure some of them were on the pitch at Wembley.

Barcelona is a team full with homegrown players, but more than homegrown players, it’s a team full of culés, players who will always love the team Barcelona more than any other team, players who have grown up with love for the club, players that are just like us … they are culés!

Open Your Heart... It Always Works!!!

If you love someone, tell them; I say don't hold it in your heart. It may be obvious to the other person(s), or it may not; you may think it is implied. But some times, no actually most times, it is got to be told. There isn't a single person in this world who doesn't want to be told that they are loved. Don't ration; say it everyday. Trust me, it works.

Life slips by without noticing it. Before you know it, days, months, even years slip by. Love is the concrete that holds humans together, gives us reason to live and live in happiness. But the concrete has to be cured from time to time. And that cure is by telling the other person what he/she means to you. If everyday sounds a bit over done, trust me you haven't tasted Love!!!

Let the little things go; Life can be very demanding, complex and rhetorical. But it is in our hands to make it simple and happy. There maybe so many variables that make us think about the complexity of life and confuse us on what in reality are the important things in life. Priorities are so important in life; a very good friend/cousin of mine once said - "its not about not having time, its all about priorities". As simple as the phrase sounds, it can be applied to all contexts of our lives and put to good practise. So, remind yourself of those, close your eyes and think of the people whose lives will never be the same if you are not around. Hold them close, and yeah don't let them go. The rest of it all, I mean the work, other people, the society - its all peripheral. At the end of the day, they don't even matter.

So, do it now. Don't wait for tomorrow. Some times one just needs to hear it. You never know what those words can mend, heal or nourish.

I do it everyday to all those who matter to my life; well not all but the few I talk to everyday and I think I am doing a good job!!!

To Live or To Exist..!!!

Don't just smile, laugh out loud.

Sing in the shower.

Love. Find it, treasure it, if you get it back, never leave it!!!

Go alone to your fav restaurant and splurge on a meal for 2, pack the rest for your midnight snack.

Watch your fav video, over and over again. I watch them very often!!!

Play in the rain.

Marry someone who loves you with all they have. Till you find that, don't settle. And when you do, don't let it go.

Travel alone atleast once.

Let the little things go.

Value your siblings. They love you despite knowing all your flaws.

Keep in touch with your closest friends. They are rare.

Take time out once a week for 'me' time. Get a massage, play ball....anything. Indulge.

Remember the good things...and forget the bad.

Be kind to animals, fellow beings, children and the poor.

Don't take your frustration out on waiters and servers. They're just doing their job.

Find a hobby, and follow it through. If you get bored, find another one.

When in doubt, buy both :)!!

BE HAPPY :))))

Open Intelligence - Context Awareness

Overview:

Open Intelligence is a very interesting and influential phenomenon. It is especially intriguing to me because I believe that it can play a positive role in developing countries. In order to ensure its long-term sustainability we need to see it "as is" and clearly identify possible pitfalls as well as open intelligence's strong and weak points. Fundamentally, we need a reliable map of the open intelligence environment. As described in the paper, Controlled Intelligent Spaces already exist in the day to day world but to use it in context that targets the needs of the individual is something that needs greater scope in the real space. Context is the real logical model that we as users create and also absorb resulting in a dependency that in-turn creates abundant amount of information that the general user consumes. Building such context driven systems should be the fundamental task of every engineer for the benefit of human future and for preserving valuable information.

Relevance of the Paper

The paper discusses about the potential of building such Context-awareness systems via two main approaches. The Agent-Centered Context-Awareness (ACCA) and the User-Centered Context-Awareness (UCCA). Both of these are such brilliant ways to adopt an environment that is totally open spaced and to bring our own context into it. It talks about the one which revolves around the context that the agent perceives and one that is totally universal out there, to be grabbed and conceptualized; one that is controlled intelligence and the other that is open intelligence.

Such a development demands continuous monitoring and testing to ensure that the context does not fall out of the space and that the boundaries are well in scope of the context. I say, why waste the skills of some talented developers on debugging? In some commercial environments, professional testers provide an important edge. Synergy between developers and testers is so very important. An agent would want to create his own space and work around the context he has chosen for development. In this case the agent is the “self” of the device and hence in this case would even prefer to debug on his own. Representing the tester or the user for instance would be completely secondary to the developer. An inspiring example of such unconventional thinking and development is “Bump Top”; software that applies a 3D metaphor and rough-and-tumble interactivity that delights anyone who sees it in action [1].

At the same time, because context sometimes is so user centric; there is no harm in placing the common user as the “self” and create a universally agreed-on model. In such a scenario, the system must be dynamic enough to be able to adapt to constantly changing environment. The model must be built such that context is universal and any open context fits into the model of the “self” and the environment. The best and the most common example of this is the Windows Operating System; a brilliant software that fits into every possible corporate environment and is reusable in every sense of software development.

Quality Management

Cultivating a user base is very important for any system. The context that is so “self” reliant, which is the case for both ACCA & UCCA, needs to be complete and the best available. For this, and to manage context dependencies, user relationship needs to be established and maintained. Context quality needs to be assessed by each agent and conflicts resolved within the boundaries of open intelligence using the user base.

Also, the context driven system built under such environments largely rely on the resources of the controlled intelligent space for governing the basic security principles of Confidentiality, Integrity and Availability. This is a limitation that needs to be overcome by writing applications that fit into open intelligent space.

References:

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BumpTop

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

-----------NOT MINE---------------

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

Kahin zameen nahi to kahin aasman nahi milta

Bujha Saka Hain Bhala Kaun Waqt Ke Shole

Ye Aisi Aag Hain Jisme Dhuan Nahin Milta

Tere intezaar mein aesa nahi ki lutf na ho

Intezar karen hum aesa lamha nahi milta

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

Tere jahan mein aesa nahi ki pyar na ho

Jahan umeed ho uski, wahan nahi milta

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

Kahin zameen nahi to kahin aasman nahi milta

Jise Bhi Dekhiye Vo Apne Aap Mein Gum Hain

Zubah Mili Hain Magar Humzubah Nahin Milta

Teri duniya mein aesa nahi ki hazaar raste na ho

Jo rasta manzil ko le jaye wo nahi milta

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

Khuli ankhon se sapne dekhne ka jurm na ho

Har baar wo jurm ho to uski saza se panah nahi milti

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

Ab tanhai mein na chal pane ka khauf na ho

Jab zindagi ko tanhai ka saath mile to kisi aur ka saath nahi milta

Kabhi kisiko mukkamal jahan nahi milta

Kahin zameen nahi to kahin aasman nahi milta